Be Here Now

Sitting in my room, watching the rain come down, I think what a wonderful day it is to work from home, not just because all of my clothes were soaked in the storm last night and I doubt my coworkers would appreciate my arrival at FED in my underwear. Ahh, what a good time to catch up on blogging! I mentioned I would spend more time talking about the wonderful people here, and I honestly don’t know where to begin, so I’ll try to give snapshots of some key FED personalities that have altered my stay positively in some way. Okay, I actually know exactly where to begin, Sandra!

Perhaps it was the build-up, hearing stories about Sandra for the week before she arrived, hearing that she would be the one who would give us work to do, she would be the one to help us understand the different dynamics of FED. And when this pint-sized ball of beautiful and tanned energy came bubbling into the office on my second week here I knew things would start getting done. Sandra is able to seriously accomplish work while still managing to find time to come and chat with the volunteers, catch us up on all the new FED drama, and even occasionally join us for 2-hour long lunch breaks on the beach (not a usual occurrence for any of us, I’ll have you know). She worked for a NYC-based NGO for seven years before arriving here, writing grant proposals and working on other development projects similar to the work she’s doing at FED. Last fall Sandra and her now fiancé, Emmanuel, came to Thailand for a six month vacation after quitting their jobs in New York. But when Sandra found a job with FED they decided to stick around, for another year or two. They are renting a gorgeous house right on the beach and Sandra’s contract with FED is for another year, after which they’re keeping their options open. Emmanuel does IT (I think) consulting from home, traveling once a month to Paris for work, but more importantly to stock up on all their foreign goods (like red wine and avocados for guac night!).

Sandra is an excellent entertainer—she and Emmanuel are always inviting volunteers and local expats over for a few drinks, movie night, or just to hang out. immediately putting people at ease (whether it’s at FED or at her house) and exuberantly sharing stories that are fun to listen to even when being retold for a newcomer’s benefit (I’ll re-listen to stories about the engagement or the attic monster any day!). I could talk more about what a cute couple Sandra and Emmanuel are, or how much I’ve learned about FED and NGOs in general from Sandra, but the message in this post is her happiness. The fact that living here, working long and often frustrating days, making a pittance of a wage, all to help an NGO where the language and cultural barriers are steep for a Westerner, Sandra is perfectly at peace, happy to entertain volunteer after volunteer, welcoming so many of us into her home when I know she and Emmanuel wouldn’t mind some peace and quiet. But ultimately, she seems contented to be where she is. No big questions about what’s coming next (besides wedding details, which must be arranged around the tides and all number of other Thailand-specific details), just happiness with the here and now.

I was originally going to include my bit on Sandra with my post on Mars, because both are prime examples of people happily living in the moment, despite their big differences in personality and ambitions. And it is true, comparing Sandra and Mars reminds me that you needn’t be completely relaxed and with little plan to be contented, nor do you need to be a workaholic, though Sandra does work hard. It takes some reflection and patience to grant yourself that wiggle room—the space when you don’t know what you want, the limbo time when you have to be okay with the in between (ahem, “Waiting”). Based on the velocity of my questions about what their life trajectories looked like I think Sandra and Emmanuel would peg me as a type-A who always needs a plan and needs one now (guilty as charged). And while that is certainly true (although I do just love hearing peoples’ life stories just for the sake of hearing them—Sandra’s childhood spent living in politically volatile Colombia being a perfect example) I am also aware of one very key factor—sitting back and thinking about what you really want to do. Being realistic about getting a job, but let all expectations save my own fall to the side. If I remove the golden handcuffs, what is it that I want to be doing? I will address this further soon, but for the time being, it is helpful to remember that it's kind of nice to sit back and take in the rain once in a while.

As I mentioned earlier, I’m embarrassed by how little it is that I’ve written about other people (and how I turned even this blog post into a self reflection). It’s surprising, when other people are what make this place feel like home. When they are the stories. Part of the reason is that my blog is my reflect time; I’ve taken the diary public in a way, making me a bit more accountable but also taking me a bit further away from reality. So now as my time with FED is wrapping up, I will spend some time sharing others’ stories, because there are so many stories worth sharing and lessons to be learned from them as well.