Aujourd'hui

Today was one of those days that I got home and just wanted to share with someone. Share the ups and downs of what happened, what I learned, what I rolled my eyes at, what I laughed at, etc. So I’m going to do something I’ve done little in my time here and just… share my day. I have met so many interesting people here, heard so many neat stories, and because my journal and blog focus more on the emotional background that colors my life, many of these stories will be lost before I have a chance to share them when I get home. When people ask me questions, I already feel that my responses are vapid and loose, not at all representative of the experience I’ve had.

So. Today. Well, I woke up and immediately was skyped by Sami, so I rolled over, put in my contacts, and rubbed my eyes for a chitchat. It was awesome to chat with him, if only for a little bit (although it was extended because it was pouring so hard I decided not to take my morning trek to the market), and he asked me questions about what I’d learned about Thai culture. This ties in to the sheepishness I have noted earlier in my blog, because frankly, I know too little. However, recently I’ve been asking more questions, and even if the answers are short and incomplete—at least I’ve got something to keep building on.

After attempting to wait out the rain until realizing it wasn’t going to stop and I had to get to the Youth Outreach Center by ten, I hopped on my bike. My new one, rented by the lovely people I’m also renting a room from, doesn’t work as well as my old one. It takes a few tries to start in the morning, and once started you never know how quick the engine will catch, leaving me either slowly chugging along or rapidly jerking forward, hopefully not into traffic, dogs, buildings, or other people. It has taken me a while to get back into riding the bike, and I avoid it as much as possible. The longer I spend in Thailand the more crazy driving I see and the less comfortable I feel putting myself at the mercy of other reckless drivers, no matter how cautious a driver I may be.

Sputtering my way into Youth Outreach I see everyone else already there, Kim strolling towards the road for her first ciggy break of the day. Kim has a sweet way of saying, “Are you okay?” instead of the usual, “How are you?” which leaves me feeling like she can see into the depths of my soul and realizes that, unbeknownst to me, I’m really not okay and I actually need some help. However, the surprise double-check always drops fast and I return to the normal state of things, left instead with an overwhelming urge to give her a hug and respond, “of course, and are you?”

Realizing I have time to drop my laundry off at WEDA (Women’s Empowerment Development Association; a branch of FED that, well, works to empower women, uhduh) as Myat Thu is still playing games in Burmese with the kids, I hope back on my bike and head over. Arriving at WEDA I see Malik, a whisper of a woman whose ability to bear children awes me, and Aung Kyi, who is leaning through the window and wrapping a round-faced boy in a hug. Aung Kyi translates to Malik that I’d like my clothes washed, and when she wants to know if I would like them ironed, I respond that I’d like them any way, as long as they’re dry (something it may take some magic to manage, given the lack of dryers and sunny days here). I’ve been going commando for about a week now and have worn the same shorts three days in a row. The most pressing reason for laundry however, is not my lack of underwear or fashionista dignity but rather that the shorts are quite… uncomfortably snug (a bit more so than when I first arrived, I must admit… my bag and I have gained the same amount of weight in Thailand… and I happened to buy 4 books and lots of gifts on my travels, so you can do the guesstimating).

As a matter of fact, my shorts played a prominent role at dinner last night when Miléna and I were at a really nice restaurant, witnessing a somewhat cliché marriage proposal over our cocktails. Rolling our eyes at engagements and marriages, which recently seem to be hopping all around us two single girls, we expressed our confusion and dismay: marriage? Wtf is that besides really f’ing scary? LIFE! AUGHM! Oh, so my shorts. Well… I decided to unbutton them at the table and then forgot about it and got up to go to the bathroom, walking right past the happy couple and their equally happy friends, catching my pants just in time not to expose my bare bum while still trying to hide the fact that I’d unbuttoned them in the first place before we’d even been served our meal. As Miss Stephany Lin says, I’m a very classy girl, but it wasn’t my classiness (ahem, and not lack thereof…) or even the contrast between me and those couples that got me thinking about my own, er… relative immaturity. Engagement is serious shit, and while I think, “how will I ever be mature enough to be prepared for something like that?” I have to express one thought that has been on my mind-- I don’t think that anyone ever really is. Sometimes you do what’s expected, sometimes you do what feels right, sometimes you run away from anything hinting at commitment, but always life is hard and relationships, growing, and just plain living is always going to be a struggle. Maintaining happiness is no easy feat and marriage, or even just a successful relationship, doesn’t cause all your individual problems to melt away. Life is always going to happen before you're "ready", and isn't that the beauty of the thing?

Okay, relationships. They’re what everyone’s always talking about and I spend a good amount of my time thinking about, so… yawn. That was yesterday. So, today. Well, we helped the students make sketchbooks about their lives, which will eventually be consolidated and sent to the UK to go up in an exhibit. Today was a practice run, and we all drew four pictures: family, favorite food, favorite animal, and house. When I displayed my drawing as an example the kids were a bit confused at what a moose was, not only because my drawing was a bit shit, but because Myat Thu wasn’t quite sure how to translate “deer”… “large car-crushing mammal?”. Yet again, the issue of very different "homes". However, while my moose may have been lost on the kids, Miléna's glass of red wine sure wasn't, as a handful of them copied it for their own drawings.

Waiting for lunch (which sat on the table nearby, taunting both us and a mewwing cat), I got chatting with Inga about her dissertation. She’s doing her field work now, gathering ideas for what she will write on. She said she began with an interest in the significance of place (hence her working with migrants at FED), but now is interested in how material objects are used to show class status, among other things. She’s got time before she narrows her ideas and in an attempt to get closer to the food I cut our conversation short and wandered over to her boyfriend Mike. He is also a PhD candidate at Cornell, but in linguistics(ish stuff). He is a very interesting person to talk to, and today I learned from this Native American about boundary disputes between the US and Canada along Lake Michigan which can still affect Native Americans living on the string of islands off of Northern Michigan’s coast today.

Finishing our big but flavorless portions of fried rice (as I prodded around my stomach, growing more certain with each poke that the massage lady must have cracked a rib yesterday) we antsily awaited our ride to Thap Lamu. Sandra, Emmanuel, Miléna and I traveled to Thap Lamu this afternoon, with Aung Kyi, Lady, and of course, the requisite madman driver. Sandra and Emmanuel had never done a community visit and I had forgotten that I had even been to Thap Lamu (though only briefly). Giggling our way down the winding road leading out of Khao Lak (beautifully scenic, overlooking huge rainforests nearby and the beach, dotted with post-tsunami resort construction, further down below), we arrived at Thap Lamu in record time, miraculously all in one piece and not too terribly bruised.

Emmanuel and Sandra loved seeing the kids at Thap Lamu learning center, and we were coincidentally treated to a dance by a handful of the girls in the class. I have video of the dance, but since I can’t post it on facebook, ask me for it and I’ll let you see it if you get a passing score on my Bambi----Humbert Humbert scale of creepiness. After watching the dance routine we moved outside to watch Aung Kyi take temperatures, bandage infected wounds, and write a referall for one unfortunate boy to see a surgeon (bad burn scars on his leg somehow hindered his growth and he needs surgery to correct his walking, Sandra deduced). After the children left, a few adults and younger children came to see Aung Kyi with various ailments. As we sat and watched, Emmanuel snapped gorgeous pictures that were immediately and wirelessly uploaded to his ipad (which he graciously allowed many sweaty fingers to smudge as pictures of familiar faces flashed by awe-struck eyes). But soon the number of individuals seeking medical advice (or perhaps just some painkillers) had ballooned, and we realized we’d be sitting for another hour or so. Aung Kyi amazes me, always happy and laughing—so good with every person he helps and never betraying any impatience or weariness. Sandra also impressed me and, growing agitated with the pace of things, helped Aung Kyi record each individual’s ailment. Commenting that seeing what actually goes on is at times too strong a reminder of all the deficiencies that befall FED, Sandra shared with us that, having run out of hypertension meds, Aung Kyi gave a man with high blood pressure some anti- motion sickness pills. Well why not? Just because it hasn’t been tried doesn’t mean it won’t work!

This issue of actually seeing what goes on being a hindrance to the morale of us Westerners is one that I have been stumbling over a lot recently. However, it is too large a topic to address now, and when I’m done compiling/re-writing a number of posts on it I will share my thoughts on this conundrum. So, for the time being I will cease sharing (although I must say it's too bad I'm ending before commenting on my evening-- it was quite entertaining despite the fact that all of it, save a ten minute skype sesh with Tali and Sasha, has passed in solitude) and close my computer in favor of my new novel and the sound of relentless rain and the Vegetarian Festival fireworks outside.