Sa bai de mai?

Walking back to the friendly guesthouse I found after lots of wandering today I was filled with happy thoughts about how much I. just. love. Chiang. Mai. And I was thinking about this blog post, thinking superstitiously about how things were going so easily that I must be headed somewhere disasterous soon. Funnily, the timeliness of that thought never occurred to me when I arrived at my guesthouse at 10:07 to find it locked with a sign saying, “If arrive after 10 start and turn off engine”. Um… okay, I thought, looking down the empty street. “Vroom vroom?” I tried. “Helloooo?” Two British girls walked by, ignoring me as I judged the distance from me to the top of the wall… I could scale it, but then how do I get over it without knocking over the altar on the other side? There are minature temples with offerings of fanta and sticky rice at nearly every home and shop in Thailand, and the guesthouse’s was conveniently placed as a descending foothold, though I found myself thinking that if disruptively yelling and Bond-ing my way in wasn’t bad enough, breaking their Buddha-worshipping mini temple might be one step too far. But, after a few frantic minutes of pacing and calling I realized I was just pussy-footing around and with that I threw my bags over the wall and into the puddle on the other side, stuck my slipping flipflop into a hole in the wall and hoisted myself over. I’d like you to know that I successfully avoided doing anything sacriligious and landed without too much pain on my right ankle. Success! Shaking as I walked back to my room I realized how terrified I had been at the prospect of spending the night on the street.

However, I am very lucky to know that I wouldn't actually have to wander the streets all night, and if I were locked out, I’d have a couch to crash on just in case. Nicole and I shared internet money at our hostel, and then didn’t meet again until we were leaving. “are you going to the airport?” she asked me, “wanna share a taxi?” I told her I was taking the skytrain and she should join me—faster and cheaper. Immediately hitting it off, learning that her flight was at noon and mine was twelve thirty (we soon realized we were actually both on the 12:10 flight to Chiang Mai) we chatted nonstop, pausing only to notice that we’d already ridden two stops past our skytrain stop. We still arrived at the airport with plenty of time to spare where we continued talking excitedly, interrupting each other in turn and then circling back to topics we’d tangented away from earlier. We are in similar positions, have similar outlooks on many things, and have many similar interests as well (not to mention we both got caught trying to bring our jacknives through security!). We spent a really fun day together, and plan on doing some sight seeing, food sampling, crafts-bartering, and getting our fortunes read at one of the many Chaing Mai wats tomorrow.

Perhaps there they’ll tell us things were fated (the word Nicole used when we discovered our seats were 9E and 9F on the plane) and that we’ll both end up living in some outskirt of San Francisco, raising our adopted Thai babies next door to each other. Or maybe they’ll tell us about the many husbands we have ahead of us, as our new friend Vichai suggested. We met Vichai when we stopped to point on the map where to meet tomorrow and he brought his umbrella over our heads and struck up a conversation. He was super skinny and held himself languidly, though there was a lot of buzzing energy in the motion of his limbs. Vichai was amusing and we chatted to him for over twenty minutes. Admiring Nicole’s readiness to begin a conversation (I’ve been jaded by my ten days in Bangkok, expecting that everyone is trying to sell me something and then rip me off), I stepped back to take in the way she had entranced this man into a conversation. Vichai seems the type who’s always happy to talk, but she’s the rare sort who wants to listen, ask questions, and laugh in response, something he rightfully commented was a rare quality. Nicole has an enthusiastic confidence that makes her fun to be around. It is a confidence that breathes life into time, and reminds me of what I lost when I came blundering over to Thailand and have been struggling to regain since.

Vichai noted that Chiang Mai needs more Westerners like her, “most capitals are too focused on themselves. Going going and not enjoying”. I laughed when I realized he was talking about capitalISTs, but he was right. People like me, buzzing through and not settling down. People disinterested in learning the Thai language, people with a feeling of entitlement. Our conversation with Vichai was aided by his very good English (rare in many interactions), but that left me feeling guilty… I like Vichai because he speaks English well. I like that he is able to converse with me, but I realize that I too often connect levels of English fluency with intelligence. While judging one’s intellect based on their proficiency at a language they do not “need” to use is misguided for so many reasons, there is some validity to this thought. A Thai individual’s ability to speak English often reflects their motivation and curiosity—they are interested in conversing with Westerners; it adds something to their lives and thus they practice their English. Vichai was a clear example of this, obviously pleased to practice with us, mulling over words like “organized”, when I referred to an event that someone he knew was putting together.

Yet, this issue of language, of everyone learning English… well, what does that say about me? While they were amused that my limited Thai includes “mai pet” (not spicy) and “sie seib” (forty, the cost of lunch at the market in Khuek Khak), I was embarrassed that this is about all my limited Thai includes. I don’t think it makes sense for me to fully devote myself to learning Thai, but I should at least be putting in some effort. I’ve learned much more French here than Thai, and while I have considerable more impetus to do so I still feel guilty about it. My education should not be limited to, or even primarily focused on the books I’m reading and the job prep I’m doing. Nor does it always need to benefit me, and primarily me. Learning Thai would greatly improve my interactions with people here, and my intended dedication to learning one Thai phrase a day has failed immensely.  I learned more Swedish in two weeks than I’ve learned Thai in six. Today finds me motivated towards many things, but this shame-induced get-yo-ass-in-gear realization may be the most cogent.